Ladyfag didn’t know that biological motherhood was possible for her. Until now.
Ladyfag hosts some of New York City’s best LGBTQ parties. Ladyfag’s events can last until 6 a.m. Many people affectionally refer to her mother because she has been a leader in the LGBTQ community for over two decades.
Her “children” include the transgender, gay, and queer 20-somethings who flock the Big Apple in search of a family.
They find their mom in Ladyfag.
Ladyfag’s club title is one part a reclamation a slur used for gay people, and one part denotation that Ladyfag is “a woman of superior social status, especially one born of noble blood.” It is the perfect name to describe what Ladyfag and her parties stand up for: high, low, and everything in between.
Ladyfag, 45-year-old cisgender and identifies as female, stunned many by announcing her latest production this summer. It wasn’t a rave in a Brooklyn warehouse. It was not a music festival with the latest indie pop star.
Her most recent venture was a real baby.
“There are all these lovely, normal-looking mothers’
“I keep calling it the hospital the venue,” Lady said TODAY Parents via zoom. “When they wanted to discuss the birthing plan, I was like “what’s the show?” ‘”
Lady knew her heart was set on having a child but couldn’t quite visualize it. She said, “I have a maternal instinct.” “So, I assumed that it would be part of my future. But I didn’t sit down and ask myself, ‘How can I make this happen?’
Lady began to seriously consider motherhood as she approached 40. Lady heard of other women doing it alone. She said, “I’m in a very homosexual environment and I don’t have as many close friends as people who have children.” It’s a natural progression that some people go through in their lives, which I did not experience. Right? It wasn’t always in my face.”
Lady began the journey to in vitro fertilization (IVF), almost five years ago, while she was still single. Lady believes it is important that all aspects of becoming a parent are normalized.
She said that IVF is stigmatized and that women are often disadvantaged by it. The most shocking thing about starting IVF was how ignorant I was about my body. They don’t teach you many of these things. Why is science not taught in school more? So I hope that the younger generation learns more about science and is better acquainted with their bodies.
Lady felt a different world during her first IVF meeting.
She said, “Basically, you go through this training. There’s all these lovely-looking mothers sitting here and then I start to think about my life versus the lives of theirs.” “They were asking questions about their lives and what they thought of their pregnancy. What can I say? Because I live a different lifestyle from most of the people in the Upper East Side IVF clinic. It was culture shock.
“Because I have a very unique lifestyle than most people in the Upper East Side IVF Clinic. It was a shock .”
Lady, who is queer, understands that for many queer people parenthood has not always been a pipe dream.
She said, “We have these ideas as we grow up about how homosexuality will impact our lives.” It’s almost like your mother’s worries come to life. “I’ve never wanted to be what people call ‘heteronormative’ so I created my own life, my bubble, and my lifestyle to counter this.”
Lady got up and left the house. Lady reconnected with Skin, an old flame, over the years and they began to date seriously. Lady was nervous about revealing her plans to become a mother. Skin was stunned when Lady finally opened up about her plans to become a mother.
Skin, the singer of Skunk Anansie in Britain and a judge for “The X Factor” Italy, said that she thought she was just a daytime person. “I discovered slowly that she is actually two people. She is an impresario of nightlife in crazy makeup and crazy clothing. She’s very feminine during the day.
Skin, 54, stated that it made complete sense five years later. She is a girly, and she loves children and kids clothes. She is soft and sensitive and shows off her cute baby clothes to me.
Lady found a partner and a support network of women in the nightlife community.
Leigh Lezark is one of these nightlife moms. She is also one-third of The Misshapes, a popular DJ collective. This year at Pride, Lezark hosted a Madonna-themed event, but she gave birth to her second child four days later.
Lezark said TODAY that “it does take a village.” It’s very silly to say, but it is true. I sent Lady spreadsheets, and all sorts of other things. I believed that they needed diapers when I was pregnant. It is not like that.
Lezark was able to manage raising her 3-year-old daughter and her 4-month-old son with the help of family, friends and her husband. She spends most of her day with her children, and then she goes to bed at night to work.
People, especially those who have been involved in nightlife and production, think that they are going to become a mother. She said that this is not true. “I think it’s a great thing for my kids to see that you can do what you want. It’s not all black and white.
Lezark noted that her support network, which includes drag queens as well as prominent trans models, encourages children to be more inclusive.
She said, “You know that you have a better world than you found.” I was thinking about cleaning out my child’s books. He is a queer person. He is able to define non-binary. He knows that he can be whatever he wants and can accept everyone as they are. It’s invaluable to teach children language and impart knowledge.
“For people who believe that gender is just an construct …’
Lady was pregnant during the pandemic. People were still being quarantined, and New York City’s dance floors had become dusty. Lady was not ready to tell her story when it was time for her to return to New York City, but she was willing to dance. Her strategy? Her strategy? Big hair to distract from her growing baby bump.
Lady was already worried about the opinions of the Upper East Side IVF Clinic ladies about her. She also worried about the reactions of the Upper East Side IVF Clinic’s own followers. She was overwhelmed by the love and support she received when she finally revealed her pregnancy at the Pride weekend in New York.
She said that she didn’t know she could have it all. “I can be a mom on my terms, and also be a mother in my community. Telling everyone and showing them that Ladyfag is possible, I don’t think it was important. It was not important because it wasn’t important. Instead, it was important to people in such a beautiful way.
A surprise to her was another thing. Questions about the baby’s sexual activity.
She said, “My whole life has been queer so we’re not talking about people who are gender-nonconforming or queer.” “Yet, people who believe that gender is a construct have never asked me so intensely, ‘I must know the gender!’ That’s one of the most surprising and funny things I’ve ever seen.”
Lady is getting closer to her due date. She attended Battle Hymn on Sunday night.
She said that she was overwhelmed by kindness after witnessing the reactions to her parties. “I walk through the room, and people raise their arms like she’s coming through!” She is pregnant. It’s amazing to see all the preconceptions and worries that people have. “Oh well, they don’t care because they care about having fun. This is just hedonism. But people care.
“I felt like I was going to cry so many times during Pride weekend. After a pandemic, we had just seen everyone reunited and people being so kind and accepting. “I realized that I have this family, I have this community.”