woman Blümner, most of the books about how to have a successful relationship. Why is it in the new non-fiction book “the conclusion of the now – the freedom to separate” from them, and Laura Ewert but the end of relationships?
Laura and I have approximately placed in the same period a separation behind us. Even though there are two completely different stories, we have talked about quite a lot in common: The bad Conscience, the man carrying all that pressure from the outside, the doubts, the pain. But at the same time, this feeling of optimism, which is associated positively with separation. We had a good talk and said: breakups are always stigmatized, and we need to write down how the really is.
where is this Stigma?
It is, Yes, always work on the relationship. This, in turn, means the one who separates himself, not you have worked enough. You have failed. The swings still. Of course, it is not about to flee at the slightest Problem. But there are also relations, since you can work as much you, everything will only get worse.
we find it sometimes so hard to make?
In the case of a separation, many things come together. The circular thoughts, the mostly futile attempt to guess the question as to the consequences to leave or to Stay, and to consider which one is better in the end. On the other Fears that are worn from the outside, to a pre. Women, for example, is told from a certain age, always the same, which means a separation, allegedly, Who has no children yet, need to hurry. Anyone who has children, is considered to be difficult to communicate. Then, their own Fears, for example, prior to the future financial Situation or the living situation. If you are looking for a separation in the big city, a new apartment, you can quickly despair – and it can happen that you must first live together.
Is a separation, therefore, also a question of money?
Each of the separation means, first financial cuts. Who is after the divorce, the Kingdom, was before the divorce very rich. Especially for women who have the career, to take care of the children, the financial Situation is a Problem. The divorce law is now aligned to the fact that women are cared for the Rest of your life. 63 percent of married women earn less than 1000 Euro, so it is no wonder, if you get in the face of a separation of a panic attack. You can’t pay attention to young women still often enough rates, more of your independence. The only question is: do you separate yourself because of all the and don’t stay together with someone who may be suited to you actually? I would say: no.
Therefore, the high divorce rate, which is often complained of, would be no bad sign.
Meanwhile, the divorce rate drops again. But the question is: does this Mean that we have learned more about dealing with each other – or the fear of separation has become larger, for example, due to economic factors, or by the feeling that we are lost alone in this world.
your book is aimed at “all that should separate better”. When should you disconnect?
This is a very personal decision. The lens right reasons, of course, in the criminal code, and, in my opinion, even if someone leads a double life. I don’t mean necessarily sexual fraud, and each of us must decide individually. But if systematically lied and covered up, I think that would be an objective reason to separate. Everything else depends on the capacity for suffering of the Person and for some is higher than others.