Death is part of life, yet it is rarely really talked about. So much so that the subject often crystallizes many anxieties. Whether it is our own end, that of our loved ones, or even the question of mourning, we ultimately know very little about this strange, yet inevitable phenomenon.
It is in this sense that Sarah Dumont founded the Happy End site a few years ago, a platform specializing in end-of-life, death and bereavement support.
“To better support the general public in the face of death, through an information site, a directory that references professionals who can help, before, during or after death, but also by organizing events around mourning and end of life,” she explains.
Events, and in particular, “Apéro de la mort”, which Sarah Dumont launched in 2018. “I wanted to draw inspiration from the fatal cafés, initiated by Bernard Crettaz, a Swiss anthropologist, and which are meetings organized cafes for the general public to free speech on death”.
The principle is simple: people register and meet in a friendly place, such as a café or a restaurant, and discuss all these questions together, without taboos.
“There is a need to talk about death, but for all that, we are all very uncomfortable with this subject”, notes Sarah. “There may be a form of superstition in talking about it, or simply, you don’t know what to do when faced with, for example, a loved one who has lost someone. Before, we watched over the dead, there were funeral processions, a whole ceremonial that we have lost over the years and, as a result, it is more and more complicated to live this moment intimately, to know how to behave. We’ve lost the manual.”
These Apéros want to clear up the little-known terrain of the end of life, and tackle subjects such as funeral preparation, the anguish of death, and mourning…
As such, explains Sarah Dumont, 70% of the participants are people who have lost a loved one. And they sometimes have a hard time getting over it. “There is an injunction from society to get better, even in the context of mourning, and these people sometimes are told that after 6 months, they should be better, which they do not understand”, continues the founder of Happy End. “The Apéros de la mort offer them a safe space to talk about all this, often next to people who are going through the same thing, and therefore understand”.
But there are not only mourners around the table during these meetings. “There are people who question themselves, people anxious about death, people terrified at the idea of their parents dying, or people who find that mourning is too taboo… And there are people of all ages, and of all social categories”, assures Sarah Dumont.
The meetings are organized and led by two Happy End ambassadors, one of whom is specifically trained in questions of bereavement, for more delicacy.
“When we open the aperitif, there is no theme, the moment is built from the words that emerge. No aperitif is alike! People can talk, for example, about end-of-life support, the words to use to talk about death to your child… It’s often a casual exchange,” says Sarah.
The goal of the A peros de la mort is also to manage to approach death without falling into the morbid. “The fact that it is organized in cafes, with people who consume glasses or planks, makes the moment convivial. There are always laughs and tears at aperitifs in the end, but in the end, we come out calm, less weighed down. It feels very alive, actually. to be able to allow oneself to speak in a society that condemns silence on these issues, it is liberating and very beneficial”, confides the entrepreneur.
So much so that some people have made this meeting an almost unmissable event. “A mother came several times, she had lost her 16-year-old daughter, and we saw her evolution over the months, she gradually opened up to life, she felt lighter,” says Sarah.
At the Apéros de la Mort, everyone has their place, assures the founder. “You don’t have to face death to come. Even if it is sometimes easier to talk to strangers about these subjects, because we don’t want to disturb our loved ones, we want to protect them… But people who come with a curiosity without having experienced bereavement will in fact feed of the feelings of the bereaved, and this will allow them to better understand, to behave better in the face of these questions”.
The Apéros de la Mort take place every month and a half in 10 French cities or by videoconference.
“We also have 3 new concepts of specific aperitifs: “Little widowhood between friends”, for women who are early widowers, “Orphanades”, intended for young adult orphans, and the “Café des signs”, to talk about life. after death. We are also looking for ambassadors to lead all these meetings”, adds Sarah Dumont.
All the information is on the Happy End website.
