Paul El Kharrat gives himself up with an open heart. After My 153rd Victory and Crimes and mysteries of Paris, the 23-year-old from Grenoble revealed in Les 12 coups de midi published Welcome to my world on October 12, his third book published by HarperCollins Editions. The opportunity for the fourth greatest champion in the history of Jean-Luc Reichmann’s game to talk about his life as an autistic Asperger on a daily basis.

The idea behind this new release? “Restore some semblance of truth”, assured the writer Paul El Kharrat to Planet. A real darling of fans of the TF1 show, the former noon master poured out his torments that have been familiar to him since childhood. “I also wanted to show the extremely grueling, dark and depressive reverse side of my personality by writing this book. Behind this facade smile hides an individual who suffers enormously every day”.

Through the pages of his book, the member of the Big Heads evokes his dark thoughts. “How many times did I want to disappear? Because I was fed up,” he asks before justifying himself. “Tired of depending on the action of others to obtain a satisfaction that is almost always disappointed. Because I had the feeling of being too old, at only twenty-three years old. Of having reached the end of the race”.

Without filter on his suicidal thoughts, the former candidate of Fort Boyard reveals nevertheless to have made “a hunger strike of a few days”. If he has never taken action, the writer has already thought about death. “It’s a reassuring thought, like a promise that, at some point or another, my pain will go away.” His only solution to evacuate his rather dark thoughts? “I write even more than usual. I write to unload my sadness, my anger, my anguish”.

With a certain maturity, Paul El Kharrat gives us more of his state of mind. “It has increased in contact with people since my media coverage. Being in the limelight, as Chaplin would say, is quite exhausting and complicated”, before being grateful for his incredible destiny. “All this allowed me to write books, to promote them and then to be spotted by other animators and to do shows like Les Grosses têtes which I do with great pleasure”.