Insults. Door slamming. Denigration. Throwing objects. Unsubstantiated reviews. Hurtful remarks. Through their excessive behaviors, toxic bosses ruin the lives of their subordinates, forcing them to act – or leave.
For nearly two years, David* has endured the ups and downs of his boss. An engineering technician in the Laurentians, the 38-year-old father initially thought he was the problem.
“I questioned myself a lot,” he said. I dared not talk about it to my colleagues, I found it too humiliating… She did everything to make me feel bad, to make me doubt and make me feel guilty. »
David has worked hard to get his boss to finally gain esteem and respect for him. Nothing to do. While he sank into fatigue and stress, she continued her ravages at work, he says. Until the day when another technician opened up to him.
“In the end, we were going through the same thing,” David points out. We spoke to human resources and an investigation was opened. »
Intolerant and uncompromising, a toxic boss exhausts everyone around him. He has little empathy and he is the champion of micromanagement.
Pierre Lainey, lecturer in the management department of HEC Montreal, knows a lot about toxic bosses: in addition to being interested in the subject, he has known one. It determines several criteria by which a boss can be designated “toxic”.
“The toxic boss creates uncertainty around him,” he says. He’s in a good or bad mood and you don’t know why, so you never know how to take it. He is good at inducing guilt, he makes unrealistic demands, he abuses his power, he does not tolerate mistakes and he is not sensitive to employee problems. For him, empathy is a weakness. »
To this not-so-pretty portrait, Manon Poirier, Executive Director of the Order of Chartered Human Resources Advisors of Quebec (CRHA), adds that the toxic boss is indifferent to the workload of his employees: he adds to it, no matter overload and signs of exhaustion.
Inevitably, the employee under the toxic boss will gradually lose confidence in himself. He may even come to question his skills.
“It’s free fall,” says Natacha*, a clerk at a large Montreal law firm. You ask for training, accompaniment, support, you ask for a meeting, and you receive nothing at all. I’ve been in this alone for too long. »
Unlike David, who managed to shake things up at his office, Natacha tried to build solidarity among colleagues to overthrow her boss – to no avail. After six months in office, she left… with a lot of anger, bitterness and fatigue.
“He’s still there and he’s even moved up in rank!” she says, adding that she quickly found a job at another organization where “the company culture is much healthier and caring.”
Talking to human resources managers can be a solution, Poirier reminds. If the company is small and there is no human resources department, the employee can go to the boss of his boss. “For fear of reprisals, sometimes the employee does not dare,” says Manon Poirier.
The mistake not to make? To think that we will succeed in changing the toxic boss. Natacha paid the price: “The gossip about me circulated, I was seen as the complainer and the problematic person”, drops the 35-year-old Montrealer, who has seen several colleagues go on sick leave or resign.
According to Pierre Lainey, among the good things to do when faced with a toxic boss, it is wise to take a step back to put things in perspective. The goal ? Regain your dignity and a certain balance. “You have to take care of yourself, of your health,” he says. And I think you have to know when to leave, without putting your health at risk… and without burning bridges, if possible! »
Preparing for your departure and leaving on good terms remains the elegant way to do it. And we do it without criticizing the boss, as much as possible.
“You could say that the environment did not suit us, says Mr. Lainey, and that we have other aspirations in our career or that other opportunities have presented themselves. »
